We’ve all been told to “forgive and forget.” Nice in theory, but let’s be real—that’s way easier said than done. I’d argue for a slight twist: forgive, but never forget.
Not for revenge. Not to plot some long game where you show up years later with a dramatic speech and settle the score. No, I mean remember what was done, how it was done, and how it made you feel—for one reason: so you don’t turn around and do the same thing when you find yourself in that position of power.
What “Power” Really Means
And let’s clear this up—“power” isn’t just being the CEO of a studio or the head of an agency. Power exists at every level, from the doorman to the receptionist to the junior assistant shuffling sides at a casting office. A “friend” at any level can get you to the next. On the flip side, a negative encounter—for whatever reason—can stop your climb dead in its tracks. Sometimes permanently.
The Hall Monitor Effect
Remember in elementary school when a kid got picked as “hall monitor”? Half of them let you roam free, and the other half suddenly transformed into the most ruthless cops you’d ever met—turning in their best friends just for talking in line. That’s human nature. Give someone even a sliver of authority, and it can warp how they see themselves—and you.
That dynamic doesn’t go away. It just gets bigger. Which is why every encounter you have—whether it’s with a doorman, an assistant, a casting director, a producer, or a studio head—deserves the same thing: class and respect.
The Small Stuff Matters
Here’s the thing: to most people on the other side of the desk, you’re just another face in a sea of people. You’re one more body moving through their endless day. But a little courtesy goes a long way.
- Say “please” and “thank you.”
- If you need to interrupt, at least toss out an “excuse me.”
- Don’t act like you’re the only one in the room with something important going on.
And for the love of everything sacred in Hollywood: waiting room etiquette matters. Don’t talk on your phone. Definitely don’t use speakerphone. Sit up straight. Be humble. Be present. You’d be surprised how often people are watching. Casting directors, producers, executives—they ask the receptionist later: What was that person like? How did they treat you?
That’s not paranoia. That’s reality.
Everything Is a Test
I once heard someone say, “Everything in life is a test—so live accordingly.” That stuck with me. Out in the world, grinding, chasing, trying to build a career? Every move you make is being clocked. Every interaction is a reflection of the kind of person you are to work with on set, in an office, or in a meeting.
The only time you let your guard down is when you’re home. Out there? Be the best, most courteous, most forgiving version of yourself.
Because trust me, there are going to be plenty of roadblocks and grumpy gatekeepers along the way. You can’t control that. What you can control is your response. More often than not, a smile, a nod, or even just acknowledging someone’s humanity gets you further than you think.
The Bottom Line
Yes, it’s hard. Yes, people can be awful. But with a little grit and a lot of grace, you’ll get around the obstacles. Just remember: as you climb that ladder, as you start to see some success, and as you finally find yourself in those positions of influence—
